Earlier this week I noticed a joke come up on the Chemistry World twitter feed. What’s more, it was one I’d not heard before: “Hey, know any good jokes about sodium?” “Na.” Brilliant. So, I sent out a bit of a request for jokes with one of my own favourites. Below is a list of the jokes I got back, thanks to everyone who took part. If your favourite is missing, why not add it in the comments section?
So I started the ball rolling with:
Why do chemists call He, Cm and Ba the medical elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium.
And back I got:
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
Two atoms bump into each other.’I think I lost an electron.’ The other asks: ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies: ‘I’m positive.’
What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? ‘HeHe’.
Gold walks into a bar, barman shouts Au get out of here!
Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.
Are you familiar with Friedel-Crafts? Sure, it’s by the Hobby Lobby on Route 3.
Q: What weapon can you make from the chemicals potassium, nickel and iron? A: KNiFe.
Billy was a chemist’s son but billy is no more. What Billy thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Two men walk into a bar, the first orders some H2O. The 2nd one says ‘sounds good, i’ll have some H2O too’. The second man died.
Some guy tried to sell me sand for a thousand bucks yesterday. It was such a silicon.
What do chemists use to make guacamole? Avogadros.
I like making bad chemistryjokes because all the good ones Argon.
How much is a glass of Adenosine TriPhospate? 80p.
What do you call a tooth suspended in 1 litre of water? “A Molar solution.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.”No, I’m travelling light.”
and finally…
Chemical jokes are boron… however physics jokes have potential.
If you’re more of a comics person I can also recommend this new blog. Happy Friday and thanks to everyone who submitted jokes.
Laura Howes
Fri 15 Jul 2011 at 4:40 pm
… Billy’s father, an MD
gave him CaCO3
now he’s neutralised it’s true
but he’s full of CO2
Fri 15 Jul 2011 at 5:44 pm
A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a drink. When he puts some cash up on the bar, the bartender says, “Nah, for you — no charge.”
Tue 19 Jul 2011 at 1:37 pm
Potassium is important too, K?
Wed 27 Jul 2011 at 11:07 am
And good timing from Lolcats, who have made a brilliant chemistry cat:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/07/26/funny-pictures-chemistry-cat-science-puns/
Wed 17 Aug 2011 at 3:29 pm
[...] This post was Twitted by sosoraia [...]
Fri 2 Sep 2011 at 12:08 pm
[...] a visual engineer walk into a bar… OK, sorry, this isn’t really an addition to our list of chemistry jokes. Instead this unlikely trio have published a paper in Wiley’s Advanced Materials [...]
Tue 4 Oct 2011 at 8:29 am
Ha ha Nice one
Wed 12 Oct 2011 at 8:45 pm
No. This was stupid.
Sun 13 Nov 2011 at 5:01 pm
What did the Super villain electrophile say to the suave spy nucleophile?
Ahh Mr Bond, I have been expecting you
Sat 24 Dec 2011 at 9:44 pm
Love it. Also, the sodium joke can be expanded upon, which is the way I heard it. “Know any good jokes about sodium bromide? NaBro.” I know it’s not literally on the periodic table. But it’s funny.
Tue 17 Jan 2012 at 9:39 pm
[...] Chemist jokes… without comment, find them at the chemistry world blog. [...]
Thu 23 Feb 2012 at 11:21 am
A neutrino walks into a bar. “You’re just in time”, says the bartender!
Thu 23 Feb 2012 at 12:39 pm
Or my variation
A neutrino walks into a bar. “What kept you?”, asks the bartender!
Fri 24 Feb 2012 at 6:38 pm
“Hey, know any good jokes about sodium? Na.
I zinc we’re better than that, guys.
One of the better jokes I’ve xenon here.
It’s not my fault all the good ones argon.
Who manganese these jokes?
Please, don’t make me sulfur through this.
Where is this person that made these awful puns? I want to barium.”
Sat 10 Mar 2012 at 12:02 am
Neon and Xenon walk into a walk into a bar. The barkeeper says, “Get out!” What did Neon and Xenon do?
A: They didn’t react