Earlier this week I noticed a joke come up on the Chemistry World twitter feed. What’s more, it was one I’d not heard before: “Hey, know any good jokes about sodium?” “Na.” Brilliant. So, I sent out a bit of a request for jokes with one of my own favourites. Below is a list of the jokes I got back, thanks to everyone who took part. If your favourite is missing, why not add it in the comments section?

So I started the ball rolling with:

Why do chemists call He, Cm and Ba the medical elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium.

And back I got:

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.

Two atoms bump into each other.’I think I lost an electron.’ The other asks: ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies: ‘I’m positive.’

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? ‘HeHe’.

Gold walks into a bar, barman shouts Au get out of here!

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I’m easily lead.

Are you familiar with Friedel-Crafts? Sure, it’s by the Hobby Lobby on Route 3.

Q: What weapon can you make from the chemicals potassium, nickel and iron? A: KNiFe.

Billy was a chemist’s son but billy is no more. What Billy thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Two men walk into a bar, the first orders some H2O. The 2nd one says ‘sounds good, i’ll have some H2O too’. The second man died.

Some guy tried to sell me sand for a thousand bucks yesterday. It was such a silicon.

What do chemists use to make guacamole? Avogadros.

I like making bad chemistryjokes because all the good ones Argon.

How much is a glass of Adenosine TriPhospate? 80p.

What do you call a tooth suspended in 1 litre of water? “A Molar solution.

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.”No, I’m travelling light.”

and finally…

Chemical jokes are boron… however physics jokes have potential.

If you’re more of a comics person I can also recommend this new blog. Happy Friday and thanks to everyone who submitted jokes.

Laura Howes

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